Mortality never becomes more clearer then when you have children. I've always had OCD, but once I was pregnant it controlled my life. Even today when my kids are 3 and 5, it still has a grasp on me. It's debilitating. It is the fear of one thing, multiplied by 100, and then put on repeat. Some of my tendencies have gotten better, some worse. My fear of germs is getting a little better, but my fear of death is almost suffocating. I don't want to be on medications. I want a brain that works NORMAL. Or at least will let me live daily without constant fear of my death or those around me.